Monthly Archives: May 2009

Counting the cost…

It’s been six years now since I gave up the “American Dream”. I had it within sight, I was running an increasingly successful business, and all the pieces were starting to fall into place. Life should have been good, at least according to everything everyone tells me. However, as often happens God stepped in and everything changed.


I quit my business to be an intern at a church, not only did they not pay me–I paid them–and for that I had the pleasure of working long hours and being submitted to more rules than I can ever remember having in my life. However, the payoffs were more long term, I had given up on the “American Dream” to pursue a Kingdom Dream.

That dream has been my unending passion for the last six years. A dream to see the Kingdom of God grow and expand. God has lead me in ways I never thought possible. I had a plan to retire by thirty–forty at the latest, and I tend to think I could have done it, but that was my American dream–God’s dream has turned out to be quite different.

I am saying this because today I am counting the cost. The cost of pursuing a kingdom that is not of this world. Today I am applying for retail jobs doing things that the mere thought of makes me sick. Why? Because I know God’s dream for me is not in the corporate world, it’s not a white picket fence two-and-a-half kids, and a new car. I could do that…I am capable. However, I could not look at myself in the mirror tomorrow and be alright with it.

I have to do the things that God has called me to do, and sometimes–most of the time–that means that I do not have a lot of the things the world tells me I should and I really don’t want them. The thing that has made this time more difficult than most is I am not seeing the kingdom dreams in reality at the moment. I am in a period of waiting and being patient while God does His work in me.

So today I count the cost and realize that it is a high one, in fact it is the ultimate cost. Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his classic work “The Cost of Discipleship” said that “When Christ calls a man He bids him come and die”. Today I am at some level realizing that, part of what it means for me to die is being made quite apparent.

God here I am. Take me I am yours. I have counted the cost and found it worth it. Regardless of the sacrifices, regardless of the pain. I only want to serve Your Name. Everything I have and everything I am I give to you once again. I do not always understand your plan but I know that You are good and Your dreams for me are way bigger than my dreams for me could ever be. Amen.
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